On Saturday my birthparents met members of my family, at a BBQ at my Aunt and Uncle's house. It went really well. That night I went out with my brother and a friend of his, and that was fun as well, although town was full of drunken annoying tourists. We're a lot alike, the new-found brother and I, and we made a concrete plan to keep in touch, more than we have so far. It was so good for me to have that meeting, that crossover, my life has always been so disjointed and separate and maybe this is a step to remedy that more.

I also got to see a few good friends, stayed on their couch, had really lovely coastal New England weather.

Since then, though, not so good. Long, early flight back to Chicago. Two days of strong feelings and thoughts about my family, my life, life in general, etc., and not able to share them or bounce them off of other people. Something I've known but now know again? What Elaine said on a specific Seinfeld episode: 'the breakup is the most important part of the relationship.' It's true, really, which is crazy. But it's true. I'm very tired right now.

My chest hurts, and in the words of Barry Hannah 'I am shaking to death'. Not really, I've just always liked that phrase and think it's appropriate, but I'm just sad as fucking hell right now. I'm trying, believe me, I'm trying like a motherfucker, but it's goddamned hard sometimes. Actually, most of the time it appears to be hard. Back to the trenches, what else can you do, right? Try to look at the good times and things and be thankful they happened, and consider the heartache the price you pay for those good things. In the end and overall it was very worth it, don't forget that. As we go up, we go down.