Over the years I've learned a lot from relationships, it's all been trial and error for me. I've managed to be at least friendly with my exes, on the reasoning that they are people that I cared about, and vice versa, and I'm not the kind to wish them anything but good things for their future, with or without me. It's not always easy, but it's important to me and it's the way I want my life to be. The end is as important as the beginning.

So. I met a great girl that I got to spend some time with. I felt comfortable with her, the most I have with anyone in a long time. She made me feel good, and I think I did the same thing for her for a while at least. I learned some things, was exposed to new ideas and things, met some great people that even though I won't see them anyone, I'm still glad that I met them and we got along well. My friend R told me that I should consider this experience a step in the right direction, that I found someone who made me happy, even though it didn't work out in the end. I felt like she brought out the best version of 'me' that has been around for a while. Now the trick is to tap into that again, differently. I think that I figured some things out. After a day of bickering I sort of learned to pay attention more and be better at it, learn someone else's patterns and what they need and are comfortable with. I thought it was getting back up to speed in that regard. It's important that you learn how you disagree with someone and be able to work through it, because everyone is going to argue at some point. It's what happens next that is key.

Anyway, I've had a tough year before this happened. Job stress, guilt and concern about my family, my Grandma passing away, a friends illness, getting into a beef with a close friend, and most of the time I just kept a stiff upper lip and rode with it. This last one, the parting, sort of unlocked all those pent-up emotions all at once. I'm not just sad about the girl and how I felt, I feel the sadness of all of the above. And it will be good to work through it all. At some point you're going to meet someone and risk your feelings, and I do suppose it's better to risk caring about someone than letting a chance go by.

For a while I was incredibly happy. I thank her for that. I know I'll be able to feel better about it all eventually, for now I'm trying to slog through it and not mis-step. I wouldn't change it or make it never happen. It's intense and I don't feel so hot right now, but, the girl is a good one. I know she is. That's why I miss her.